Let Our Children Be The Coolness Of Our Eyes : They Can Heal A Grieving Heart

Kids, The Coolness of Our Eyes : It Can Heal A Grieving Heart

Let Our Children Be The Coolness Of Our Eyes And Heal Our Grieving Heart

Back then, there was a saying that goes ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ .

Those days, the responsibility of raising a child was considered to be a joint effort for each and everyone that knew him.

This included his grand parents, teachers, extended family and society and community at large.

However, over time the concept of joint extended families slowly disappeared. The burden of rearing a child has fall solely onto the shoulders of both parents.

Raising a child in today’s millenial age is becoming very stressful. The difficulty increases manifold if a mother is parenting a child or children single handedly, in the absence of the father.

There are pressures and stigmas attached to it. The stakes are at so much higher in some community whereby single mothers are treated indifferently and often isolated from society.

Although single parenting has become increasingly common, it is still frowned upon in certain community, as it is defying the norms of society and hence a taboo.

Going through a divorce, separation or facing the demise of a spouse is a very traumatic experience for any woman. The thought of child rearing along with fulfilling financial responsibilities on top of everything else at times would break her into pieces.

Emotionally, single mothers are often left on her own to cope with all sorts of mixed emotions like: Anger. Depression. Frustration. Loneliness. Anxiety. Fear. Insecurity.

However, it is interesting to note though that we have an excellent example from the Quran where it mentioned about 2 women in particular who had raised their child singlehandedly :

Maryam AS who was Actually a single parent

Hajar AS who was metaphorically a single parent as she lived away from her husband, Ibrahim AS

Maryam Alahi Salam

She absolutely grew up without any male figure in her life. She didn’t have a father, brother or a husband, not even an uncle to care for her.

She was all alone during her pregnancy.

She had to endure labour pain and delivery all by herself in the desert. This is one momentous task that she undertook singlehandedly.

Despite knowing the amount of societal backlash she would receive when she decided to take her child to the people without any immediate family to protect her, she did not fear.

In Quran Allah SWT describes it as:

Then she brought him to her people, carrying him. They said, “O Mary, you have certainly done a thing unprecedented. O sister of Aaron, your father was not a man of evil, nor was your mother unchaste.” So she pointed to him. They said, “How can we speak to one who is in the cradle a child?”

[Jesus] said, “Indeed, I am the servant of Allah . He has given me the Scripture and made me a prophet. And He has made me blessed wherever I am and has enjoined upon me prayer and zakah as long as I remain alive.

And [made me] dutiful to my mother, and He has not made me a wretched tyrant.

Quran (19: 27-32)

When others started hurling hurtful things, she (was told) to point towards her child, (or what I understand seek comfort in her child)

Isa Alahi Salam had mentioned that “Allah Made me dutiful to my mother” and to be a source of comfort and contentment for her!

I truly believe that this is the ultimate guide line for single mothers.

Allah SWT wants single women to seek solace and strength from their own children and stop fretting over societal comments or worrying about what other people think/say/do.

We often talk about what good traits and qualities mothers had bestow upon their children. How much she has sacrificed raising her children.

Especially when she is also playing the role of the father.

Thus we have, unknowingly ignored the fact that indeed our children too, has given so much to us in return.

They have been the coolness of our eyes helping to heal and mend our grieving hearts.

Let Our Kids Be The Coolness of Our Heart : It Can Heal Grieving Heart

They nurture us in their own sweet ways.

We must acknowledged that their arrival to this world has helped to mould and shaped us. Not in physical but in emotional and psychological.

They have helped us to grow into motherhood that comes with unexplored paradigms of love that sometimes we never imagined, had in us.

Single parenting mom who bears all the burdens of parenting on her own shoulder is often easily upset over little matters.

She is often frustrated and at times tend to pour out her frustration on her child. Unfortunately children are often the direct affectees in such situation.

Although most single mothers thought that they had suffer the worst, often times it’s the children too.

So how do we support our children to overcome the agony of losing a parent while at the same time keeping our sanity intact?

The answer is:

Keep the love that you have for your child alive

I know it is hard for single moms to survive in such circumstance especially when the grief is overwhelming. Nothing seems to make sense.

However, there are few best things one can do to heal oneself

1. Make sincere dua to Allah SWT to bring you out of that grief.

2. Accept the situation. Instead of getting stuck at “what ifs’ the best way to move on is to first accept that whatever worse has happened had happened

3. Pray that may Allah SWT make your kids the coolness of your eyes and through them you overcome all the obstacles in life

4. Find your tribe. Sometimes the best people to show empathy are the ones who are in the same boat. Because they understand so much better they would often offer unconditional support.

5 . Know that you are not alone. Findng your tribe will help you understand that there are others in a much worst situation than you are.

6. Practice gratitude. In the light of positivity insha Allah things will start to appear less stark.

7. Know that many great women in history of Islam raised their child/children alone.

If at any point, you feel that you are loosing hope do not despair

Most importantly is for you to show love to your kids through gentle, kind and loving words and actions

- Give unconditional support
- Set out a specific time daily to connect with them through play or working together like preparing a meal.
- Cuddles and bed time stories.
- Sharing your own concern with them over certain matters that is age appropriate.
- Talking to kids help them becoming a mature and thoughtful person.You would be surprised that they might actually be helpful in finding a solution for you.
- Be positive. Stay positive
- Take care of yourself
- Go back to making more dua!

The writer, Asbah Alaeana is a muslimah by birth and choice. She studied accountancy but being an artist at heart, has opted to be a housewife playing mom to two toddlers. She blogs at amuslimmama.com and doodle at IG @amuslimmamacomics

Visionary Single Parenting : Challenging The Stereotypes

Visionary single parenting: Challenging the stereotypes

Are you a single mom and trying so hard to succeed in single parenting? Cheers!

I know you are worried about the future of your children. You can’t help thinking about the responsibility of being ‘dad’ to them.

I know you want them to thrive and become the best of mankind.

How to be successful at single parenting?

How do we succeed in being a single mother?

Single parenting is not something that any mom would want for their son to grow up in, but at times such situations is beyond and above our control.

To help you in this delicate matter, I would like to share these true and inspiring stories of single parenting.

Let us follow the footsteps of those muslimah moms, who had been successful in bringing up their sons singlehandedly

You must have heard about the stories of moms whom Allah had purposefully chosen, to raise the Prophets of their times and thus became the best exemplary we have today.

Among them, were :

1. Maryam (a.s.) who was chosen to raise Prophet Issa (a.s.),

2. Hajar (rahimullah) who singlehandedly raised Prophet Ismail (a.s.) till Ibrahim (a.s.) returned

3. Ummi Mosa (rahimullah) who took care of her son Prophet Mosa (s.a.)

Their stories of single parenting is legendary and mentioned in the Quran and recorded in numerous hadith traditions.

Let me also introduce you to another 4 single moms ,who had managed to raise their boys into living examples of being knowledgeable and exemplary men.

These are the proud mothers of Imam Shafi’i, Imam Bukhari, Imam Ahmed bin Hanbal, Rabi’ah Ar-Ra’yi and Imam Malik, the great scholars of Islam.

The success stories of these scholars revolved around their courageous and visionary single mothers, who had put their heart and soul into moulding them into legend of their times.

Imam Shafi’i (rahimullah) was born in Ghaza and his father passed away while he was in the womb of his mother. Historians mentioned that his mother used to be a great worshipper.

She was young then but she had decided that her goal in life was to make something out of her child. She stepped out of her private space of her life and entered the public sphere for him.

She was the one providing the means to educate her orphan son.

She decided to take him from Ghaza to Makkah, bearing all the hardships all alone, because she wanted her son to get the best of education from Makkah.

That was her ambition and she put in sheer dedication towards it. She designed the whole curriculum for her son. Deciding upon what he will be learning in the coming years, which scholars to go to and negotiating with his teachers.

Imam Shafi’i once mentioned that his mother was so poor that she had to negotiate with the Sheikh to accept him as his student.

In return, he will serve and take care of the students during his absence.

Imam shafi’i didn’t have anything to write on, so his mother used to go to all the dungeons of Makkah to collect camel skin, leaves and whatever she could find.

She would then borrow some ink so that he could write on it.

The life of Imam Shafi’i was entirely shaped by his mother. She was always contemplating, analyzing the situation and took the best decision for her son despite of all the financial and social stigma she was facing.

She used to advise her son to sit in the presence of the scholars, in such a way that they don’t get disturbed and don’t even feel his presence in the gatherings.

It was because of her determination and tireless efforts that Imam Shafi’i became the best scholar, the most renowned Qari and Arabic speaker of his times.

So much so that people used to come from faraway places not always to become his student but to listen to his beautiful recitation and the eloquence of his Arabic speech.

The mother of Imam Bukhari was also a single mom

Imam Bukhari was born an orphan.

His mother made such a strong contribution to the character and upbringing of her son.

Imam Bukhari was blind since childhood and his mother spent nights crying , asking for help from Allah to cure the eyesight of her son. It was because of the impact of his mother’s dua that he regained his eyesight.

She had shown that the dua and zikr of Allah can do miracles. Masha Allah

His mother sacrificed her desires so that she could focus her full energy on her son. She supported him emotionally, morally and financially.

When Imam Bukhari requested for permission to let him stay in Madina to seek knowledge, she happily accepted it despite knowing that she will be left on her own.

She put all her trust in Allah, giving him full rights to his choice and freedom. She had faith that her efforts through the years will not go in vain.

Another legend of the legends,

Imam Ahmed bin Hanbal, was also raised single handedly by his mother.

Born in Baghdad as an orphan, his mother used to take him to masjid during his early years.

Because his mom put great effort in educating him to be well mannered at such an early age, he became very well known among the neighbors.

He was highly spoken of due to his etiquette and adab.

The society at that time did not mention about his indepth knowledge but rather about his beautiful adab.

His mother had moulded him into a famous, fine and well mannered gentleman.

Imam Ahmed grew up loving and practicing the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (may peace be upon him).

During his younger days, his mom used to take him to masjid at such an early hour, long before anyone else would arrive. She would then waited outside for him. She would waited until everyone had left so that she could hold his little hand to ake him back home.

Similarly she used to take him to the gatherings of scholars and waited there until all the scholars had left.

His mother dedicated herself completely to the upbringing and educating of her son, Imam Ahmed

So much so that the reward she got in return was a mega win, masha Allah.

Lots of times women got married but due to their life situation, they ended up raising their kids on their own.

Rabi’ah Ar-Ra’yi, was a great scholar who was solely raised by his mother

His father was a soldier in the army of Affan ibn Usman (rahimullah). He was enlisted to fight the war in Khurasaan with them. When he left, Rabi’ah was just a very young boy.

Before leaving, his father had given to his mother 30,000 dirham to take care of the household till he comes back.

When he returned after almost 25 years later, he first visited the masjid. There he saw a young scholar sitting in a large gathering of students.

He came to know that this young man was one of the seven fuqah of Madina.

When he got home, he asked his wife what she did with the money that he gave her 25 years ago. He wanted to know how she managed her life affairs without him.

She told him to go to the masjid and see with his own eyes the fruit of her labor.

He was very pleased of what he learned and said “SubhanAllah you spent it so well”

That was the thoughful wisdom of a mother. Well planned with a vision of seeing her son becoming a scholar.

Imam Malik, a man with great adab, akhlaak and giant of the ahl-ul-ilm

He was also raised by his mother.

She had to work hard for a living after her husband became paralyzed and was unable to move much.

Surprisingly Imam Malik, as a young man he had wanted to be a singer and expressed his desire to his mother.

The intelligent mother of Imam Malik explained to him that the career of singers only lasted for as long as they were young and good looking.

All the while trying to attract his attention towards the scholars she made him do role play with her.

She would put on him a sufra, placed a turban on his head and started asking him questions as if he was a scholar. This role playing act changed his thoughts about being a singer.

Her vision had sparked a light in his heart and developed a thirst for knowledge at a very young age.

The mothers of these legends invested their time, money and even their lives. It was within the capacity of these single parenting mothers that built the greatness in them.

Hence we could take in our stride, to learn from these moms who has great foresight and superb intellectual. What we needed the most is the courage and determination.

The vision we have for our children’s future and the strategic approach towards achieving it.

Persistence in upholding strong morals for the upbringing of the righteous generation.

I know that single parenting is never easy

Nobody promises us gold.

But the more tawakul we have in Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala, trust that He will shower us with unexpected blessings.

I hope you found great pleasure in reading this short story and may it helps to uplift your spirit in your single parenting and becoming a better mom for your sons.

How I Overcome Panic Attack The Natural Way, Drug Free

How I Overcome Panic Attack the Natural Way

I used to wake up in the middle of the night hyper ventilated. It was extremely difficult to breathe, like a huge monster had pinned me down and I can hardly moved.

It happened so often that I was so afraid to fall asleep. When night came, I became restless. I hated darkness so much that I had to sleep with my room lights on covering my head with a pillow to block out the glare.

This was such a long time ago and I have long since forgotten all about it. Back then, I didn’t realise I was in a depression and panic attacks? I never heard of that term.

Doctors had assured me then that it was a mild panic disorder, nothing to be too concerned about. It’ll eventually go away. Sure it was mild, but the attacks were too frequent and it bothers my sanity.

Over the years, I had fewer panic attacks and then it stopped just as how it came and I forgot all about it.

It wasn’t until last fall 2016, when I was in Manchester, travelling back to Preston . That was when the panic attack returned. I had attended a roman blind making class in Sale.

It was peak hours and I was travelling in a jam packed train with commuters. I had a window seat, so I sat quietly watching the commuters crowding in the aisle and by the door.

It became uncomfortably hot in the train. The heat was unbearable that I felt there was lacking of air to breathe.

I became anxious and felt that I had to get out of that train.

The sudden feeling that I was being pinned to my seat surrounded me. I wanted to say to the person next to me, “Please let me out, I wanna get out” but I was tongue tied.

Not a mumble escaped my lips.

I couldn’t budge my butt like it was glued to the seat.

I was utterly confused and briefly disoriented too. Then I thought, Ya Allah, what was happening to me?

It took a while for me to realise then that, that was panic attack revisiting me. Its panic attack relapsed! Haha.. is there such a thing as panic attack relapsed?

Maybe not, its just my way of saying it.

So what do you think I did, to calm myself down?

I didnt have the chance to think on which method works best. I just had to do it to overcome my panic attack and to avoid strange stares from strangers.

This is what I did.

How I Overcome Panic Attack The Natural Way

6 Ways to overcome panic attack the natural way — Overcome panic attack the natural way

1) Closed my eyes

I closed my eyes. I thought, that way I am shutting the real world out as I crawled into my inner space. This was my only comfort spot.

2) I breathe

Yes, it sounded silly now but that was what I told myself repeatedly, breathe Su, breathe. Remember to breathe.

Ooohhh.. That pre natal class that I took, how it taught me to breathe, it comes in handy!

Telling yourself to breathe may sounded silly but believe me, when anxiety sets in, that’s the first thing we tend to forget to do.

So do remember to breathe, slow and deliberate breathe in through your nose, then take your time to slowly blow it out.

3) Glorify and praise Allah

With every breathe that I inhale, I recited Subhan Allahi wa bihamdihi . When blowing out, I recited it in my heart, Subhan Allah al Azdim with a slow deliberate blowing out. I

That takes effort mind you haha.

4) I continued glorifying and praising Allah until the panic subsided

5) Refresh with water

When I finally felt calm and well composed, I had a sip of water from my water bottle that I always carry with me.

I poured a little bit of water onto my palm and slowly run my palm across my face anti clockwise.

6) Remembrance of Allah

I continuosly did the zikir until I reached my destination. That sixty minutes train ride, felt like the longest time in my entire life.

Looking back now, I have sum up those actions into my “6 simple steps to overcome panic attact the natural way”

I have applied these techniques upon myself. It has helped me greatly so I would encouraged you to try it out should you have a sudden anxiety or panic attack.

Especially when you are alone, travelling during peak hours where are hordes of people pushing and shoving into the train.

It should work in most anxious situation.

But I think it would worked best to hold the tasbih beads and push each bead with your finger along with every count.

Its kind of like grounding your mind. Forcing it to stay focus. I now have a few tasbih strings in colorful beads.

I put one into each handbag that I would normally carry with me. I name it “my anxiety tool kit”

I have been having difficulty in staying focus. My mind wanders off everywhere and it takes a lot of effort to bring it back to where I want it to stay ,haha.

As a continuation to my healing process and preventing a recurring attack, I take further precaution by practicing several steps which I named it “Daily dose dessert” the ultimate soul booster.

Sounds like yummy only better, don’t you think so?

Now I’d like to hear from you, how do you stay focus and keep those anxiety away.

Owhh and did I tell you about my recent discovery of The Best Comfort Food For Sadness or Depression, you might want to try that too.

Its simple to prepare and yummy yummilicious.

And may Allah keep you steadfast in your faith sister.

~~Su Zu

Virtues Of Remembering Allah

Remember Allah - The Remiinder Benefits The Believers

Remember Allah and He Will Remember You

The secret to keeping your poise sister, is to remember Allah.

These days, keeping calm and well composed is a lot easier for me compared to those times. I hated it not knowing what it was that causes me that constant annoyance and irritability over little teeny weeny minor things.

I got angry easily within a snap of a finger.

Was it due to the fact that I that I forgot to remember Allah? Growing up in a secular world, surrounded with non practicing muslims, sadly I thought that was the way of life.

I failed to understand the fact that:

Indeed Allah, He is near. He is with us wherever we are. He is always available for us, on call for 24/7 and that there is never the need for an internet to connect with Him.

So why then, do I need a reminder that I was never alone and that I should remember Allah is with me at all times?

Why is there a need to contantly tell myself, that indeed I can reach out to Him whenever I feel lonely?

Yes, I do feel lonely, all the time, at that point of time.

And there is nothing shameful about having to be reminded to remember Allah, for indeed, Allah says in the Quran:

Image credit : iQuotes.com

It is without doubt that the virtues of remembrance of Allah benefits us immensely

In my younger days, plenty of time had gone by without me uttering His name or having Him in my heart. I was a total bummer at that.

Its those due negligence that accumulated over time that eventually resulting myself into a continuos depressive state feeling lifeless and hopeless.

I was at the point of suicidal!

The messenger of Allah ( peace and blessings of Allah upon him) said:

“He who remembers his Lord and he who does not remember his Lord, are like the living and the dead ”

And he said,

“Shall I not inform you all of the best of your works, the purest of them with Master (Allah) the loftiest of them in your stations, the thing that is better for you than spending gold and silver (in charity) and better for you than meeting your enemies and slaying them and being slain by them?’

They (the companions) said, “Of course!”

He said:

“Remembrance of Allah, the Most High”

At-Tirmithi 5/459, Ibn Majah 2/1245

So I suppose I was a walking corpse then, more like a zombie, Subhan Allah the thought already sends shivers to my spine.

It reminds me of that movie Walking Dead.

Guess that’s where the producers got the ideas from, the Quran itself!

I pray that I never have to go back to that state May Allah have Mercy on me and forgive me of all my sins.

Remember Him and He will remember you.

I thought it was just some kind of cliche that doesnt even hold an inch of truth in it. I used to ask myself, why does He need us to remember him for?

I wished that He had given me the light then, it was a long wait. I went through hell, back and forth. Forty years of my life, a wasted life.

But Alhamdulillah it was a worthwhile wait and now, these ayah just bring smiles to me. Though I live alone, I no longer feel the kind of loneliness that used to nag at me even though I was surrounded with friends partying away.

“And remember your Lord by your tongue and within yourself, humbly and in awe, without loudness, by words in the morning and in the afternoon and be not among those who are neglectful”

Quran : Al A’Araf 7:205

Now, I absolutely love my solitude.

I practice meditation, though it’s the hardest thing for me, keeping my mind focus is never an easy task. It keeps floating from space to space that I have to keep grounding it.

The best part of remembering Allah?

“Allah the Most High says, “I am with my slave when he thinks of me and I am with him when he mentions me.

For if he mentions me to himself, I mention him to myself and if he mentions me in a gathering, I mention him in a superior gathering,

If he approaches me by a hand’s width, I approach him by an arm’s length and if he approaches me by an arm’s length I approach him by two arms’ length and if he comes to me walking, I hasten to him swiftly.

al-Bukhari 8/171, Muslim 4/2061

Assalam alaikum sister, so tell me how was your day today? <3 <3